Month notes: January
Month 1 of the year down. I often find it difficult to write a review of a time period objectively. I suspect my current mood is always skewing the ways in which I look at the time that's passed. Despite that, here's an attempt, for posterity.
It has been two months since I returned to Canada, and it does look like we have two more months to go here before we take off for the tropics again. At least that's what seems to be unfolding as an ideal way forward.
I found myself bouncing frequently between feeling an impatient restlessness, and an activated state where too many things are interesting. Occasionally I feel a grounded peacefulness where whatever I choose to spend my time on today is the right thing, there is no need to go faster than I am going, no need to do more than what I am doing, sustained attention is enough โ I like those days best, and I wish more days are like that.
I looked through the photos on my phone to try to jot my memory of how the month went and there I found an overwhelming number of pictures of snow or lake or light pouring into the house. Either those, or pictures of the cat I have here that is all curled up right now as I type away.
โ
this season feels like one of waiting , and emptying , and then waiting again /
is the state of being receptive not simply a faithful act of waiting and paying close attention? /
I want to be honest and have my time here count is all.
It is easy to slip into spending too much time in front of the computer. When sitting and cognitive activity makes up too much of my days, I tend to become off-balanced. So I try to find other ways of engaging myself:
A few kitchen experiments which I am pretty pleased about:
- Home-made ginger beer!
- Chickpea curry
- Red lentil curry
- Creamy butter beans and leek
- A few bread experiments
- Adzuki bean and black glutinous rice dessert with mochi balls
A thing made
Crocheted a little pouch for the first Tarot deck in my life <3 it looks a little wonky but it sure holds the cards well like I was hoping it would.
Body things
J and I have been making it a point to boulder once a week and these trips have been quite the highlight. After a few times of relying on rentals at the gym, we finally bought our first pair of climbing shoes! J's work is an hour away from where we live and there is a bouldering gym there that we go to. We typically climb in the early evening when J knocks off, so that means I have the entire day to myself. 8 hours is a lot of hours to kill when there are no errands to run and not many places to hang around in but I think I'm getting better at strategising how I spend my time. They no longer feel so unbearable. In another season, I could see myself taking long walks but this time of the year is too cold for that and so I spend most of that time in the comfort of the library. I've always felt that libraries are the most generous of places and to date, they have not let me down (,:
Every now and then, I try to do something with my body (like learn to do shoulder rolls and cartwheels lol). I chanced upon the movement genre (?) "soft acrobatics" recently and have been quite enthralled by the whole repertoire. I don't know that I want to be able to funky things with my body like twist-flippities but I know I like the feeling of being strong and being able to move and flow with ease. I enjoyed the follow along sessions here
Currently reading
A City and Its Uncertain Walls by Haruki Murakami.
Sister Snake by Amanda Lee Koe sits on my table waiting.
Other non-fiction reads that I'm dipping in and out of: Collective Presencing by Ria Baeck; Offerings from the Conscious Body: The Discipline of Authentic Movement by Janet Adler; Cranial Intelligence by Ged Sumner.
I finished reading, for the second time, Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. I had read it 2017 and knew it was a book I would return to over and over again. Reading it a second time, I still feel the same way.
Currently watching
Severance, and Dexter (the original series).
I really enjoyed Perfect Days when I caught it last year. And when I spotted another movie by Koji Yakusho (the leading actor in Perfect Days) Under the Open Sky, I jumped on it but turned out to be a little too lacklustre and we abandoned it halfway through.
A parting gift / An amulet for you
I had a few poems by Mary Oliver that I consider my favourite but today I chanced upon another one that I know will stay with me for a long time. This one's titled At the River Clarion.
Here are a few of my favourite lines:
Yes, it could be that I am a tiny piece of God, and each of you too, or at least
of his intention and his hope.
Which is a delight beyond measure.
I donโt know how you get to suspect such an idea.
I only know that the river kept singing.
It wasnโt a persuasion, it was all the riverโs own constant joy
which was better by far than a lecture, which was comfortable, exciting, unforgettable.
Of course for each of us, there is the daily life.
Let us live it, gesture by gesture.
When we cut the ripe melon, should we not give it thanks?
And should we not thank the knife also?
We do not live in a simple world.
โง